The Lure of Disillusionment
by Laura Lee
Week of September 12
“Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise.
Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light.” Micah 7:8
In her book, God In Pain, Barbara Taylor Brown shares real life stories of crashing disillusionment and reveals how our letdowns can become a lesson and a lure for us. She defines disillusionment as “the loss of an illusion—about ourselves, about the world, and about God.” She points out that while it is almost always a painful thing, it is never a bad thing to lose the lies we have mistaken for the truth. “We find out what is not true and we are set free to seek what is—if we dare—to turn away from the God who was supposed to be in order to seek the God who is.”
Last month, in my devotional called, “Unwavering Trust,” I shared how my family was hoping to own a house in the town where God had moved us. The process of getting loan approval was a long, slow testing. Did I truly believe His plan for me? Could I trust He had a place for my family? I should not have doubted because I had walked through three years of devastating events, which shook every aspect of my world. God had been so faithful in everyway, particularly in an event that caused my understanding of faith and grace to be wiped out like a control/shift/delete computer command.
To walk out of that event and into a healthy spiritual and emotional life was extremely hard. I had to take baby steps every day through my dark valley of disillusionment. The only light for me in this valley was truth from His Word; “God is faithful. He has a plan for me. For those He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son.” These truths from Scripture became my self-talk as a defense mechanism when cynicism, doubt and grief reared its ugly head in attempts to defeat me. Often, I felt I did not want to live this “sanctified life.” But, I had tasted enough of His presence to keep me from totally giving up. “He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus,” helped me like nothing else through that great valley.
Two years ago, a real turning point for healing came in a vision He gave me. I saw myself sitting on a curb with everyone’s life continuing as normal. Meanwhile, all I could do was sit there and watch. When I turned my head, there was Jesus sitting next to me…allowing me to take my time in reconstruction. At that moment, I saw He was with me in my place of despair and emptiness. I began to find my faith again. Micah 7:8 gave me hope of a day to come when I could stand in victory. “Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light.”
I am happy to report my family and I have come through those three years in the dark valley. We feel an overwhelming gratitude to God and to dear friends who loved and encouraged us through that time. He has transformed every aspect of our lives that, at one point, seemed so hopeless. And, as if that were not enough, He blessed us with our beautiful home. All thanks, praise and honor to Him!!!
However, the day after we closed on our house, our joy was overshadowed by a much deeper need. We received a phone call; a call you hope you never get. My nephew had been killed in a horrible accident. At the same time, a dear friend experienced a great loss. There is so much pain. No words can express the sorrow I share with these precious loved ones.
I can only hold to what my valley experiences have taught me… there is another side to the valley of pain and disillusionment. And, a sanctified life is not for the faint of heart. Barbara Taylor Brown expresses these sentiments so eloquently: “Disillusioned, we find out that God does not conform to our expectations. Blessed are those who are not afraid to revise the hope that is in them, pushing through their disillusionment into a place of new and clearer vision.”
This Week
Remember! If you find yourself in a dark valley, God’s grace and His faithfulness are there for you to hide in the midst of your tormenting circumstances. He is sitting right next to you, waiting with you. He will not forget you or leave you where you are. He didn’t save you by grace to leave you stranded in an emotional graveyard. Go to Him one event at a time…sometimes you will have to go to Him second by second. He can handle those feelings of “not wanting to go on and not caring about His will.” He will draw near to you.
Prayer
"May God give you courage to face all the dark corners and give you the strength of heart to walk this path He has ordained for you. I pray your hope will ever be in Him and you would experience the Holy Spirit’s comfort and companionship…waking and sleeping. I pray He gives you peace and directs you to creative solutions to the problems that daily present themselves to you as He works His purpose in your life. In Jesus’ powerful name, amen."
